Adam Joseph Westwood- Too perfect for this world

I look back at my blog and it was a month ago that I shared my glorious news with the blogging world. At that moment, all was right in my world. Everything was finally coming together and I remember often thinking that my world was near perfection. I spent every commute to work in silence, either thanking my Heavenly Father for this blessing, or talking to my baby and expressing my love for him. I told Scott many times that our life was never going to be the same. And that statement still holds true but in a totally different way. Our beautiful, perfect baby boy, Adam Joseph Westwood was born early, much too early. He made a huge impact on us in the short time he was alive. He gave us the gift of being parents, a term that can never be erased from us now.

Although we hold tight to our belief that we are an eternal family, our hearts still ache, and at moments the pain is so intense. All those dreams and plans we had thought of for our baby boy will have to wait 'til we meet again.

And now Christmas has arrived way too quickly. I can't help but think that we would have found tomorrow that we were having a boy. Yet I've already met my boy and his work is done here on the earth.

I still look at pictures of him and try to figure out who he looks like. The nurse said she saw me in him. But I saw so much of Scott in him. From his face to his cute hands and fingernails that are identical to Scott's. Adam looked like Westwood boys and I love that.

At this time of year, I have never felt more love for my Savior and needed his love so much. I'm so grateful for this Christmas time when we can celebrate Him, and can now celebrate Adam each year as well. Adam must have known that Christmas time is my favorite time of the year. Each year we'll continue to look forward to celebrating our son and the birth of the Savior.

I'll share more about our experience in the future. But for now, I'll just share some pictures of our son.

Baby Westwood

This is a post that I've dreamed about writing for years, 3 to be exact. How did I finally arrive here? Through the fasting and prayers of probably about 100 family and friends, joined with our faith to create this miracle. That is what this baby is, a miracle.

When Scott and I moved to Arizona, it was like we started completely over with a new OB and a new fertility specialist. We had to go through the exact things we had done 6 months previously in Utah. I had a reoccurance of polyps and a cyst that did not want to go away. All of these things prevented us from moving forward with treatment for months. Many wet pillows and many humble prayers later, we were able to start treatment. We both felt that the most basic treatment was what we needed to do. We both felt strongly that invitro was not for us. We met with our fertility doctor and he basically told us with our history that we had about 4-5% chance of becoming pregnant on our own or with this basic treatment. He suggested a step above that (not to invitro) and Scott and I still felt that we needed to stay with the basic treatment, not just because it was half the price but we just knew the other steps were not for us and we wouldn't do it if we had the money. After that appointment I was a bit discouraged. 4-5% chance of getting pregnant seemed like an impossible endeavor. Fortunately I have a husband who told me that those odds mean nothing when we have faith and words that had promised us this blessing.

During the time that we were trying to get my body fixed before starting the medication, we had a lesson in Young Women's about faith. The teacher talked about a boat and how it has two oars. One of these oars is hope and the other is works, and faith can't move unless we are doing both. I went home and discussed this with Scott and asked him what we were doing to work towards this. Well, we had been to the doctor, we prayed for it each night and fasted each fast Sunday, but what more could we do? We then had general conference and after one of the sessions we both came to the conclusion that we needed to ask for help. We needed to enlist our family in the cause and ask them to have a special fast for us. It took us a few months to finally ask for this. We asked some members in our ward, our immediate families and some of our extended family. We figure there was about 100 people fasting for us that day. We felt so much love that day surrounding us, even though we weren't close to family. At this time we had finished one round of treatment and had started a second. After the first round, I knew we needed this experience to receive an answer to our prayers. However, I was 99% sure I wasn't pregnant when I had to go in for the blood test that month. Every thing in my body felt just the opposite of pregnancy. Needless to say, I was shocked when I got the call saying I was pregnant. I waited until I got home from work to tell Scott (5 hours of keeping the secret). I got home and Scott asked if I had gotten a call from the doctor. I told him we were pregnant and we hugged and cried and then he told me that he had known for about a week (due to my hormonal behavior). We immediatly knelt down and thanked our Heavenly Father for this blessing and prayed for a healthy pregnancy.

I had a scare at 5 weeks, which is when I miscarried with my first pregnancy 2 1/2 years prior, so it was very scary. Luckily everything was fine. We kept it a secret from our immediate family until 10 1/2 weeks when I had another scare and went to the emergency room. Luckily, again, it was a false alarm and everything was fine. But we felt that they should know so they could keep us in their prayers. I'd got texts for the next week from my sister saying she was praying so hard for us, and calls from my parents making sure I was doing alright. After each doctor appointment, we'd tell a few more people in our lives. I've felt very cautious about telling people throughout this pregnancy.

At this point I'm 17 weeks and feeling really good. I feel like myself again which is nice after being sick. Every morning (and everytime I get up in the night to go to the bathroom), I'm reminded of this little miracle inside. I've been feeling movement for a few weeks which is incredible! Sometimes it doesn't seem real and then I feel a flutter and I'm reminded that this is no joke. It's a little intimidating to think that there is a little one that is depending on me to nourish them and make sure they are safe. But I'm so excited to meet our child, I just love that there will be a person that is half me and half Scott, what an amazing thing!

We were able to see our baby this week. This was the first time I've been able to see him/her with legs and arms and a head (Scott got to see him/her when we went to the hospital but I couldn't see the monitor). Baby Westwood (BW) was kicking and moving around. It was so fun to watch him/her. As for the sex of the baby, we will find out but not until Christmas day. The umbilical cord was in the way, so he wasn't positive what BW is but he is going to take another peak at our appointment the week before Christmas.

Our due date is April 28th, 2014. And here's a couple of pictures to prove it's real.

The "Love" seat

A little before Scott and I met, Scott bought this lovely loveseat from a yard sale. It was covered in dog hair and he spent many hours using duck tape to clean it off the best he could. This couch has come along with us our entire married life. When we moved to AZ, I really really didn't want to bring it. It really wouldn't fit in our living room, we had much better looking furniture to fill that space. But it came along anyway and it took up a packed corner in our extra bedroom. Now it's in a new home, to a couple in our ward who can use it. And even though I've complained about this loveseat for years (it really is the itchiest thing you'll ever sit on) I'm feeling a bit sentimental when thinking of it being gone.

We have so many monumental memories of this loveseat. Even though it is wickedly uncomfortable the memories associated with it are very sweet. Scott and I first held hands on this loveseat. The first time we cuddled was on this loveseat. I was leaning against this loveseat when Scott first told me he loved me. In a cheesy, romantic way, this really was a "love" seat.

Although I will not miss it taking up space that could be utilized in other ways, I do cherish the memories that I associate with it. Luckily even with the loveseat gone, those memories will always be there. Farewell loveseat!

The Wedding

Have I mentioned that I'm done road tripping for a while? I've been to Utah way too many times this past year (4 times for work, 2 times for weddings, 1 time for a funeral). Luckily 1/2 of those times I got to fly which was nice, but they were all legit things to go to Utah for and I don't regret going for any of them. But we won't be going back for a while. We will soon be entering the paradise season here in AZ and we are going to soak up every minute of our delicious weather.

So on to the main reason for the post. My niece got married! It's so hard to believe she's old enough to do that, but she is. I'm so glad we got to be there for this, she is such a special girl and we've always had a close bond and I just love her to pieces.

Of course the trip involved visiting multiple people, it was a lot of fun but we felt like we were constantly on the go and were pretty exhausted by the end. That is the hardest part about traveling to Utah is seeing everyone you want to see and not offending those that you didn't get to see and trying to divide your time among so many people.

One of the sites we were able to see on our roadtrip was the Navajo Bridge at Lee's Ferry. It was so gorgeous. Cosmo was super excited to walk over the bridge, even in the rain. Anything to get out of the car.

Our first stop on our trip was Scott's grandparents cabin. Scott's brother and family were there so we got to spend a day with them and their cute kids. We had a lot of fun sitting on the porch drinking in the cool mountain air, playing games, shooting BB guns, taking naps, eating lots of goodies, and getting to catch up. It was short lived but it was super fun to see them! 

We stayed with Scott's cousin and his family for most of the nights while we were in SLC. I didn't get any pictures of them but it was so fun to hang out with them.We ended up moving over to my parent's place for the last two nights because Cosmo was not handling the separation from us very well.

Friday we were able to attend the Oquirhh Mountain Temple with Kenzie and Justin. They went through for the first time that day and it was so special. We're so grateful we were able to be there. After we went to lunch with everyone.

Friday night we went to Jordan Landing to see some old neighbors of ours. The dad plays in a band up there. We ran into some friends we had in the single's ward which was so great! They were really good friends of ours but time and distance has taken its course and has caused us not to see them for along time. We were able to play with the grandkids of our old neighbor and they are just so cute! It was a fun night to get to spend time with friends from the past.

Saturday we had a girls afternoon. We got manicures and pedicures. My sister, the mother of the bride, was sick that morning so she wasn't able to come which was a huge bummer, but we got some good quality girl time.

Sunday we went to the family ward that we attended when we were first married. I was a little nervous about going because we were only in that ward for a few months and I didn't remember a whole lot of them, but it's the ward that Scott grew up in so we thought it was a good idea since we usually go to my parent's ward. The best part was getting to see our old bishop and his counselor from our single's ward. They still remembered us and were excited to see us. It was so great to see them and it brought back so many great memories. We were so blessed to have them in our lives for a short time. The rest of the day was spent with my family.

Monday we went and visited my grandma. It was so great to sit and chat with her for a few hours. I asked her to give me some tips on genealogy. I was able to see her great big pedigree chart on her basement wall again. Then we went for a walk through the "graveyard" as my cousins so lovingly call the room that has all of the pictures of our ancestors. She told stories about many of them. As always it was good to see my grandpa's train set. I have such fond memories of those trains even though I've seen them so many times, I still love to spent time looking at them.

Tuesday was the big day! They are such a cute couple and will one day have cute blond babies. I just love them! Was a special day!

Wednesday we spent a few hours with Scott's grandma. It was nice to visit with her. She kept thinking of things to give to Scott that were his grandpa's. We came home with a box of rocks (from different places around the world) a hat and a shirt. We then went and visited Scott's aunt and uncle and 2 kids. They live on the foothills of Sandy and their backyard is a total oasis. We just sat on the swing and chatted with his aunt for a couple hours. It was so relaxing and fun. Then we ventured up to Layton to see Scott's cousin and his family. It was a long day but well worth the driving.

Thursday we spent the day in Price America. We were able to stay in our old house for the last time. Grady will be moving the end of this year. I got to see some of my old co-workers and we were able to see some friends from our old ward. It was a very fun visit. Unfortunately, with Grady moving, we probably won't go back there again for a long time.

All in all, it was a good trip. We are so glad we went and are so glad we are done travelling for a while.

The 4th of July and other fun things

 We've been able to do a lot of fun things lately here in Phoenix. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that heat doesn't stop people from playing outside. And we've learned the same thing. We are still making memories through the heat indoors and out. Scott had to work on the 4th of July which was a bummer, but we attended our ward breakfast and that evening we went to Tempe Town Lake for festivities. It was so crowded and ridiculously hot, but we had a good time and we're glad we went. It was our first chance since moving here to get to eat some food cart cuisine. 


Waiting for our first ride on Phoenix light rail



Not so healthy dinner. But oh so tasty!  

 


It was a ridiculousy beautiful night overlooking the lake.

 


The fireworks were awesome and went on and on and on.

  So on the to the next adventure. We got a Pogo Pass which is pretty much one of the coolest things. It's $50/person and you get passes to all sorts of things, like 2 trips to the zoo, 2 Diamondback (baseball) games, 3 Rattler (indoor football) games, a visit to the aquarium, a visit to a museum, 13 sporting events at ASU, a visit to a small amusement park (more like a county fair), a visit to a water park, laser tag and a few other things. It's been a great way for us to do some things around here without spending tons of money. The zoo alone is $20 a visit so that made it worth it, because we'll definitely go twice.

Our first experience was an Arizona Diamondbacks game. The seats weren't great but we had fun. Luckily for us, they close the roof and air condition the arena so it was nice.

Two days later we went to an indoor football game. Wow was that an experience. It's definitely different from regular football. The field is only 50 yards long, so it's a very offensive game. I think the final score was something riduclous like 70-40. We had really nice, comfy seats, but it was very loud. I'd probably wouldn't buy tickets to go to a game but if they were free I'd probably go. I'm just glad I got to experience it.

 We are loving the adventures we get to participate in here. We're hoping to go to an Arizona Cardinals game for our anniversary and go to the opening Phoenix Suns game (gotta support Jeff Hornacek as our new coach!). 

Our First Camping Trip

After over 5 and 1/2 years of marriage, we finally had our first camping trip as a family. The last 2 summers we've planned weekends, even gotten to the day of a camping trip and cancelled just because our lives were so crazy and other things took priority, but for Scott's birthday I promised him a camping trip. So we planned one and followed through!

We drove about 3 hours northeast of Phoenix to Show Low which is up in the mountains. Unfortunately we went camping on a the weekend when the majority of the west was getting a heat wave. It was 95 degrees in the daytime in the mountains and only 75 at night which made for a really hot night in the tent. Cosmo enjoyed his time but was done by the next morning. While we cleaned up camp, he sat in the air conditioned car, it was a little too warm for him.

 I think we've done a good job at making a camp kitchen.

 Beautiful view of Fools Hollow Lake.

 He was filthy!

 We couldn't have a fire, so we had to be creative and cook solely on our stove. We used our pie irons and made pizzas for dinner and breakfast sandwiches for breakfast. And we made some cinnamon roll pull-aparts which were so good.

 Beautiful day to play in the lake.

It was a fun trip, but we'll definitely watch the weather next time and go when we can use our sleeping bag. The irony of the whole thing was that Scott and I didn't use any bug spray and I only got one bite and Scott didn't get any... The next morning after sleeping in our bed, we both woke up with bites all over our legs (like dozens of tiny red bites)... I ripped off the sheets and found a teeny tiny baby spider in our bed and it did it's number. Jokes on him since he's dead now.

P.S. A shower never felt SO good than after sweating for a full day and night and coming home and unpacking when it was 117 outside.

Parental visit long time ago

A long long time ago, like back around Easter, my parents drove down to see us, and the Mesa Temple Easter Pageant. We had a great visit, were able to do some fun things and then I drove back with them to attend my cousin's wedding. 

One of the things that we were able to do is take a tour of the University of Phoenix stadium where the Arizona Cardinals play. It was so much fun! It was fun to see how excited my parents were as well.

After a few days of playing here, I drove to SLC with my parents. I felt like a kid again, hanging out in the backseat and my mommy buying me treats. It was fun. He stopped in Page, AZ and saw Lake Powell, it was so pretty. That's one of the things that I like about roadtrips is being able to see things like that.

 

 I was able to spend time with family in SLC. I even got loved on my by sister's doggies, love those dogs and they love me.

Then the highlight of the trip was getting to see my cousin Laurel celebrate her wedding. Laurel lived with us for a while when I was young and she became a role model to me, we've always been close and I'm so happy for her and her new life as a wife!

 

 

It was great to spend some 1 on 1 time with these 2 kids as well.  Family time is a lot more special now that we live away.

Business Trip

A couple weeks ago, I had a conference in St. George. I was able to take Scott with me which was great. We started the weekend by driving all the way to SLC. We spent two days there and then left Cosmo with my parents and traveled to St. George. We were there Monday-Friday. I had days of classes but we had some down which was nice. It was a mini-vacation for us which was much needed. Friday we drove to SLC, got Cosmo and drove to Price. We stayed there overnight and then drove home. In that week we traveled 2000 miles and spent approximately 30 hours in the car. Here are some fun pictures from our trip.

Different pictures from the road, including a very full truck bed, the windmills at the bottom of Spanish Fork Canyon and Cosmo's footprint embedded on my leg after he got out of his harness and jumped in the front seat.

Cosmo at his old house. It was like he had never left, he made himself right at home. He was so happy to be there and to see what was going on outside his window.

Monument Valley. I had never driven through there and it was stunning! The pictures don't do it justice. We drove through there the week before they started filming Transformers 4 at this location.

And of course one of my favorite parts of the trip.

 All in all it was a great trip filled with lots of car time, family, co-workers and relaxation. But I'm kind of glad that my next trip to SLC (for work again), I'll be flying. :)

Cinderella

Cinderella has always been my favorite princess. And my mom, knowing that, made this beautiful stitchery for me. If you see it in person, you can see all of the added detail that took so much time, it's stunning. I knew she was working on it and I watched it's progression, but I didn't know she'd be giving it to me! She hadn't finished it when we moved, so she brought it when they came for Christmas. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's so special to me. I have such a great mom!

Infertility- the forbidden word

I hate that word. The word "infertility" makes me cringe, for all those that suffer from it... including myself. I'm sure there is lots of speculation from family and friends, and I'm sure a lot of you already knew.  We've been married 5 and 1/2 years and are almost 31... and are active LDS.  And sure I have a career that I enjoy but that is not holding us back from having children. For a long time I wanted people to think that was the case. I didn't want people to know the heartbreak we were going through behind closed doors. But Scott and I both feel strong that after three years, we are ready to be honest with those around us and not hide behind this. We think it will be a strength to us.

I am not going to give lots of details because that is just not our style. But I will give you a brief summary of what we've been through. We decided it was time to start a family almost 3 years ago. About 4 months later I found out I was pregnant but I didn't feel quite right physically. I think I knew I was going to miscarry, and about a week later I did. Although I thought I was probably going to miscarry, it was still horrible and heartbreaking when it happened. We continued on with our lives and nothing happened. Needless to say, we've been to a series of doctors, I've had a few surgeries, been on different meds, and are now waiting on another physical issue to hopefully resolve itself so that another surgery isn't required. It's a frustrating lonely journey and moving to Phoenix I've felt like we've had redo a lot of what we did in Utah before we moved.

In the future, I won't be giving you every detail of this journey. That to us is personal, but we'll be open to telling the basic details to our family and close friends. So if you are one of them, don't be afraid to ask. We'll share as much as we are comfortable with.

If you want to know how to help, please pray for us, that's all we can ask right now.

This is not an easy journey and I'm sure there are some journeys that are harder. But this is ours, and we are trying to endure it well. We know we will have kids in this life one way or another, we've been promised that. But for now we're just parents waiting for a child.

Half a year

Where has the time gone? There was so much anticipation when we were waiting to move and I kept thinking, soon you'll be there and you'll be looking back as time has flown by. It's amazing that as you are looking forward to something, time seems to drag. But once you are in a place with no changes on the horizon, time seems to speed on by. I can't believe we've been here for this long and yet it seems so long ago that we were in Price. We are loving it here (more me than Scott). Scott likes it but would rather be in a small town. I am the exact opposite. I'm so content and happy here. I enjoy the variety of entertainment, the variety of restaurants, the variety and diversity of people, and I love that I can go to any kind of doctor and it's no more than a 20 minute drive. I love my job, I love our ward, I love my calling, and I love this place we call home. I'm less homesick than I anticipated, I think mainly because we are so busy. I didn't think we could be busier than we were in Price (with all the involvement we had with the theater), but it didn't take long for us to be busier.

Scott and I are really enjoying our callings. We love being able to develop relationships with those that we are serving with and those we are serving. Each time I move wards I'm amazed at how each ward is just what we need at that time.

Here are some of the things we've done the past 6 months:

• Moved everything we own 595 miles
• Started a new job position (me), started a new job (Scott)
• One surgery
• One bout of kidney stones
• Trunk or treat in short sleeves and flip-flops
• A Thanksgiving that wasn't homeade
• A Christmas with no jacket needed
• 4 bad doggy haircuts 
• Steph's parents came to visit after Christmas
• Scott's parents and brother came to visit in January
• One dead scorpion sighting at work, haven't seen a live one yet
• Several explorations of the valley
• Two business trips to SLC
• Two Vitamin D deficient adults
• Countless mornings woken before 7am by the construction across the street
• Numerous new friends
• Endless memories

 What a fun 6 months it has been! I'm so excited for more adventures here.

A day at the park

Today Scott and I were able to spend the day with my friend Amber's kids. We decided to spend the day in the park. It was a beautiful February day in the 60's and it couldn't have been more perfect. Here are a few pictures of our park adventures.

Kiwanis Lake

Feeding the ducks

We had a great time riding in a peddle boat. We were able to feed the ducks while in the boat as well, it was a lot of fun! 

We took the kids to play at the playground after our boat ride. The kids asked Scott to play tag with them and they ran and ran for a good 20 minutes. It was fun to watch.

All in all, it was a fabulous day. I just adore these kids and was so glad we were able to spend time with them.